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I, too, read the My Turn article and I just hoped that this woman does NOT take her turn. Yes, I do agree that the tummy rubbing lady is kinda creepy, but parents have been robbed—robbed of personal space by their own children and maybe this woman just forgot the social rules for a brief moment.

More importantly, ranting like Dennis Miller about bad parents, improper parenting, or even those untamed children is not really going to solve any problems. Albeit, getting hit in the face is not a fun experience and has merit for an extended rant; however, things could look very different from a child’s point of view.

What would you do if the Wicked Witch of the West stooped down to “greet” you? You may be frightened enough to lash out just to protect your ruby slippers and what personal space you have left. Just keep in mind that those aggressive or ill-behaved children have feelings too.

The best thing this woman can do is not kill herself taking college child development courses. Since she expects results right away, she should learn some practical strategies for interacting with children.

Family Communications, the producers of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood list some excellent advice in their Resources for Parenting including sections on Fears and Rules. They also post a monthly newsletter on helping children deal with angry feelings.

You can also take some of the many FREE CET Ready To Learn classes being offered this summer.  Each class gives practical ways to interact with children in meaningful ways while focusing on fun topics like Science or Art. Remember even those “model parents” who have all the resources and training imaginable will be surprised by something their child will do or say in public. They come with no owners manuals or guarantees. Children are the best little teachers in the world. And the test is not a whiney rant in Newsweek.It’s how you handle it. So, get over yourself, get a helmet, and go play with the kids!

–Barbara, Ready To Learn Coordinator, parent of a feisty 3-year-old boy, helmet wearer

I read the same My Turn article in Newsweek my former colleague Patsy read and Blogged about in the last post, only I didn’t find it nearly as annoying. In fact, as a single 25-year-old woman I think I may have read a completely different article than a married mother. 

I agree with my former co-worker on some things, like you shouldn’t be hit in the face by a 4 year old, and if you are, that kid should get a “talking to.” I also understand that for children to understand how to act in public you have to take them out in public, and really all you can do at that time is hope for the best. 

But I don’t think the author is not ready for that. I am not ready for that. I don’t know if anyone can ever be ready for that. And there are a lot of poor role models out there that have neon signs over their heads that say “Katie, you are soooooooooo not ready for this.” These are the parents in the midnight showing of an R-rated movie with their 4 year old who is staring at me and my date while some guy on screen gets shot in the head. These are the parents who don’t notice their kid is gone and is crawling around a banquet hall at a wedding reception, growling under the table and kicking people. (These things have really happened recently.)  

I don’t want to be that parent. The “My Turn” writer doesn’t want to be that parent, and every time I look at that parent I say to myself, “No need to rush into things. It’s perfectly OK to wait till you’re 40 to have a kid, right?” 

But there are good role models out there too. When Patsy’s family came in for the CET Action Auction her daughter was very well behaved and didn’t hit, kick or otherwise offend anyone. And there are the parents who take advice from PBSParents and other helpful organizations.  

So let’s challenge parents to be the kind of parent I want to be. Nothing ridiculous – the kind that knows how to handle a temper-tantrum in the grocery store, the kind that can keep tabs on their kid at a wedding reception, the kind that accepts the fact that sometimes kids just aren’t ready to be out in public. 

Check out some of the videos in our Kids & Families section to see what I’m talking about. Also, CETconnect partners Every Parent’s Library and Beech Acres Parenting Center, have some good resources. Anyone out there have any more helpful parenting links?-Katie

Last night, after dragging the kids in from playing outdoors with friends in the beautiful twilight, then scrubbing them shiny in the tub, reading a few books, and kissing them goodnight, I sat down and read a “My Turn” in Newsweek that was … well, annoying.

First let me say that I agree with the columnist that parents should be parents and make their children behave, both in public and at home. Not everybody does it, but many of us do and do it fairly well. But the author of this column lays the blame of her hesitance toward parenthood on the doorstep of those who will not or cannot control their children and/or those who want her to “join” the “parenthood club.”

Please. 

I really wasn’t offended or even overly interested in the column until it got to the point where the author talked about people who took their infants to “fancy” restaurants or R-rated movies and let them “carry on, ruining things for other patrons.” Okay, deep breath. 1) Who are these people taking infants to fancy restaurants? My husband and I didn’t do that because we couldn’t afford them, even in a double-income household. Yeah, I hate those people, too, but for an entirely different reason. 2) The days of “sneering at the obnoxious parents” are completely over. Sure, my husband and I used to roll our eyes when we encountered people with rowdy/crying/obnoxious children, but that came to a sharp halt when we experienced it first-hand. These days, when we go out either with the kids or on our own, and we encounter a family with small children “acting up,” we usually share an empathetic look that dissipates into a sparkling-eyed suppressed grin,  because we know that those days are over for us. Our youngest is 5, and our kids know how to behave well (for the most part) in public.

 I won’t argue that you shouldn’t be taking your little ones to anything but family-friendly movies; that seems like a no-brainer to me. I certainly won’t argue that a child should have better manners than to punch an adult (or anyone) in the face, and the parent should have better sense than to take the adult to task rather than the child. But listen up, “My Turn” author, if you’re thinking about having kids, get ready to deal with what you’ve been sneering at. Sometimes, *gasp*, despite a parents best and most informed efforts, kids can be obnoxious. Kids do things that make you want to crawl under a rock. And kids hit and yell when they haven’t yet learned all the ways of dealing with their frustration or inability to communicate well.

And, know what? It’s impossible to teach a child how to act in public unless you take them to public places. Sorry ’bout your luck if that reduced the quality of your dining experience. I promise it was worse for the parents.  

If you really want to find out more about taking charge of your parenting, or even getting a realistic picture of what it will be like, check out PBSParents. -Patsy

Patsy is a former employee of CET who has moved away from Cincinnati but enjoys virtual community by occasionally contributing to the CETconnect blog.

This is long. Bear with me. It was longer when I started. I’m on my fourth edit.

If you are a parent whose children are in child care or school, you know the drill. You live by the sitter, center or school’s hours and rules. You know every after-school program and its benefits and drawbacks. You have the illness policy committed to memory.

I read an interesting article recently on MSNBC.com titled “Female bosses carry child care burden.” The gist of it is that women most often take care of child care issues, and that there is a perception difference when women in authority take care of business at home. Before I continue, I’ll just make my disclaimer now: I’m lucky. CET values the family and expects that employees have responsibilities that exist outside the workplace. And my husband views child care as a partnership, not “mom’s responsibility.”

So I read this article, and I’m left asking the same question I always ask: Why? Why is parenting devalued in the world of business? Why do we think that taking care of one’s children (or parents or other loved ones) is a liability? There are popular books about succeeding in business that focus on rather ruthless qualities and practices. Some even give lip service to “work-life issues” (as they are often called), and authors express a wish they had had more time with children or spouses … but then emphasize that total life dedication to work is the best road to the corporate suite. I’m not buying it. 

That which makes me a good parent makes me a good employee and a good manager. I’m responsible. I’m proactive. I’m creative. I have a sense of humor. I can keep my frustration in check and avoid slapping someone. I’ve learned that intimidation is not useful in interpersonal relations. I have learned much of that the hard way since becoming a parent. (I have excellent colleagues who learned most or all of those lessons in other ways, but becoming a parent in my 30s was my journey to becoming a smarter adult.) But while I’m proud of growing into those qualities, they come with the little things you don’t expect and still must deal with. Kids get sick. Kids are cranky or need a few more minutes of reassurance some mornings. Kids have Scout meetings. Snow days happen.

Still see parenthood as a liability in business? Wake up. Work-life policies reap benefits. Parents who know they don’t have to fear for their jobs if their child gets sick will often work longer and harder hours in the long run. Here’s just one article touting it: http://www.bizjournals.com/atlanta/stories/2003/10/20/focus8.html. There are many others. The great news is that a company doesn’t have to have a massive budget to honor work-life issues. What it needs is compassion. Call again upon your own parenting or interpersonal skills and think that over.

I’m going to ask you to think about your mom. If she ran the home, like mine did, she likely had most if not every quality of the best in the corporate suite. But, like my mother, her time and place may not have offered many options to work outside the home. So like the rest of us, she did her work every day, networked with others, and set and achieved her goals. Did you want to try to stare down your steely eyed mother at the end of the day if you knew you’d been up to no good? Your mother knew her business, my friend.

CET is featuring the Women’s Fund presentation of “Women in the C-Suite” right now on CETconnect. Until our society and its businesses and industries understand that motherhood … no, parenting, does not preclude excellence in business, then management and the corporate suite will be missing some highly creative and productive people. And until we recognize that ignoring child care and other work-life issues is a problem, then some people will never even get the chance to wonder if they could advance into a position from which they could see the corporate suite.

-Patsy

Choosing appropriate toys for your child is not all fun and games. And with the holidays just ahead, you also have to worry about what someone else may buy for your child. Here are some simple guidelines that you and other gift-givers can follow to make sure the little ones are safe and happy this holiday season.
1. Think Safety First—Look for sharp edges and small parts that can come loose and pose choking hazards, especially toys with magnets. Keep up to date on all the recalls by checking the Consumer Product Safety Commission website and following their toy safety guide.
2. Appropriate Choices—Follow the age ranges on the boxes. Most of them come close to what children can do. I would suggest you think of your child first and what interests him or her and work from there. But if you are still not coming up with any ideas, try the Oppenheim Toy Portfolio . I recommend them because they do not take fees or advertising from the companies who submit to them.
3. The Annoying Factor—Almost every parent I know understands this without much explanation. However, I will explain it now. Children learn through repetition and play . Adults … well, not so much. All that repetition your child is enjoying can quickly turn into The Annoying Factor to you. So, ask yourself if you can stand to listen to this toy for three hours straight before you put it in the shopping cart.
Finally, 4. Advertising—Be aware of toy advertising and fight back with the mute button. It’s on your remote. Use it often. PBS Parents Guide to Children and Media has more ways to ward off the seasonal barrage of commercials.

And remember your children will learn more from you than from any toy you can buy. –Barbara Walker, Projects Manager & Ready To Learn Coordinator

Here’s a follow-up to my earlier blog entry titled “One of Everything, Please.” An article about holiday advertising appears in the December 2006 Cable in the Classroom that is helpful for both educators and parents. It’s titled “I Want That!” and includes tips for activities and critical thinking (you will need the free Adobe Acrobat Reader to view it). Happy holidays!
–Patsy

Earlier this week my 4-year-old daughter actually said to me, “I want one of everything.” I stifled a laugh. I also stifled a cringe, because I recognized that she must have overheard me when I said to my husband, “That child wants one of everything!” Whether it’s pink cowgirl boots, a board game she couldn’t even play yet or the latest hip fashion doll, she’s seen the commercial and she needs it. In the beginning I was a good Mom. My son watched shows only from CET’s lineup of children’s programming until after his fifth birthday. I knew he was watching quality children’s programming and wasn’t being exposed to violent or crude behavior (well, not on television anyway). What I didn’t appreciate at the time was the absence of commercials, as well. My son was 5 or maybe even 6 before he ever asked me to buy a specific toy for him, but it never really occurred to me why. It all ended after he started Kindergarten. One day he asked if he could watch an episode of SpongeBob Squarepants, since “all the other kids” watched it. Innocent of what would follow, I said, “Well, I guess so. Let’s watch it together.” SpongeBob himself, while somewhat irritating when compared to, say, Clifford, didn’t seem too bad. But the commercials … whew! I hadn’t even realized how powerful their absence had been until that moment. Unfortunately, my daughter was only 3 when we turned the channel that first time, and clearly it had an effect. Of course, if you allow your children to watch television, unless you pre-record everything it’s unlikely you are going to remove commercials from their lives. There is something else you can do, though. Learn about the programs and channels your kids watch, and watch them together when you are able. Then you can talk about commercials, why they are there, and how we have to think when we watch and listen. Even a small child can begin to understand those ideas when exposed to them repeatedly. I highly recommend studying up on media literacy. Where to start? CET offers workshops and resources for parents and childcare providers, and it won’t be long until we have a new schedule available for 2007. In the meantime, visit our Early Learning Services Web page to find other support, and check out the PBS Parents Children and the Media Web page. We parents need all the help we can get!  –Patsy